This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.
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I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

Anyhow, so the Twentytwo was just six days ago, and as according to my very materialistic wish list, I received many bags and shoes!! Uber happy! Hahah!

As part of a sort of celebration, went for a musical date with Aub. It seem to have become a tradition that we go for a musical every year during my birthday. Last year was CATS and this year, we watched Chicago The Musical! And I really appreciate him accompanying because I know musicals are totally not his type of thing plus they are really not cheap at all. Anyways, I thought it was pretty good! Especially the dance! Damn hot, damn awesome seriously.

And on Saturday, it was celebration with the matrix gang at Ding Tai Feng! ❤ XLBs!

Got a really pretty bow clutch from them. And it was exactly what I had in mind! Maybe not the exact colour, but I realised that it isn’t so hard to match with my outfits actually!

Received a personal gift from Xue Ting too! A Good Luck Care Bear to ward off all the bad luck that I had been complaining about the past few days. I think for most people, they probably would just listen to my rants and not think too much about them, but she actually remembered and bother to do a little something to cheer me up. Damn sweet seriously! And I really appreciate it tonnes.(:

Then we moved on the Ben & Jerry’s for desert…

..and F21.

We were trying out some really funny glasses and headbands and happily preparing for more cam whore shots but the security lady came up and stop us, so that was our only shot in the end. Hahah.

Headed home and the next day was celebration with the Besties! After all the change in plans and locations, we finally settled with Oomphatico’s @ Tanglin Mall. In line with the deco of the restaurant, the theme of the night was Alice in Wonderland. Hahah. In the end apparently all of us did not really resemble our respective characters, but the whole dressing up thing was fun anyways!:D

Pretty Ipod Touch case..

and Zara wedge!

Food was good, and the company was even greater! Always love hanging out with the girls even though we only get to meet like 5 times a year because it’s always so hard to find a time where we can all make it! But we’ve found a way to arrange our dates more effectively! Hahah! So I’m definitely looking forward to more meet ups! Afternoon Tea @ Marmalade Pantry next!:D

The actual day with spent the family at Shin Kushiya! And Mummy brought me my favourite chocolate cake from Awfully Chocolate! Was telling.. or rather demanding from Aub a birthday cake earlier on in the day but in the end being the parents that pamper and know me ever so well.. Mummy and Daddy had actually already pre-ordered a birthday cake for me beforehand!:D

Simple meal with the people I love most in this world. Totally blessed.(:

Got a pair of Aldo wedge from Mummy as pressie! Super high! I think its the highest I have in my cupboard ever. But super love! And Aub got me a Longchamp Modele Depose for my (early) gift! I say early because he got me one month ago.. during his birthday actually! I love it! I think I spent an hour in the store trying so hard to decide between the colours and I’m glad I pick Grey in the end!  Afterward was telling the boy how much I really wish for more new pretty shoes, so being the sweetest as always, he got me another pair of black Zara wedge as well. Hee! Yet another super love too! Now I have three pairs of new wedges! Can wait to wear them out after exams!

No big hoo-haa like the Twentyone, but I feel very happy this Twentytwo! Not only because of all the presents I received (but I can’t deny they are part of the factors as well.. after all who wouldn’t feel happy receiving what they want), but because I feel really blessed to have these people around me. I know that my birthday doesn’t exactly fall on the best of date.. with the exams and all around the corner, so I really appreciate people taking time off from the books to spend that few hours celebrating for me. Also, there’s the family who indulges and tries to satisfy all my wants.. I can never ask for more from them. And of course, the boyfriend, who has really been the greatest.. always giving in to me, tolerating all my nonsense and showering me with my materialistic wants. Like I said some post back, I might not have much luck, but I’m very blessed. And I’m thankful. Because of these people, the past twentytwo years of my life really couldn’t have been any better.

Its true.

Life is really not just about studies, work or money. And sometimes I forget about that. I might not have good luck, but I’m very blessed. Between the two, I think I would prefer the latter.

And well, it’s not like I am in a very bad situation right now. I should be thankful. So leave the rest to God okay?

And the amazing part is we didn’t make prior arrangement for the dress code. Hahah.

Sometimes when I’m on the road, and the radio station plays one of those songs, it brings me back to that time. The roads in Singapore are just not the same. I guess those are memories I will never forget.

And I wonder if you will ever know.

Being an ultimate foodie, I definitely couldn’t miss going! And I am so fortunate that I went for not one, but four meals during the one week. But the best part was really that I was eating out with all the people I love(: Makes the already nice food even nicer!

The Song of India

Aub and I went for some really exotic food on the first day. When we first stepped into the restaurant, we were pretty overwhelmed by the ‘smell’, and got a little worried about what was coming up the rest of the night. Hahah. But honestly, other than the complimentary, which was one of those i-don’t-know-what-is-it-exactly-and-it-doesn’t-taste-very-nice dish, the starter and main course was actually pretty good! And we love the roti prata! I think overall the food and experience was above our expectations!

OTTO Ristorante

I totally love what they have on their menu! Definitely looking forward to return to try their regular dishes. The food was good and very much to my liking! Except that Aub’s Spaghetti with Sea Urchin had no sign or trace of sea urchin in it, which left us really puzzled. Hahah. But I think the spaghetti tasted really good!

Michelangelo’s

Lunch on a Friday afternoon with Huka! The first thing I noticed was the change in interior decor! The last time I was here (which is about 3, 4 years ago? ), it had a really cosy setting and ambiance! Now, its more of just being atas looking. Don’t really like it. I remembered that they serve really really good tiramisu as well, and I was hoping that it would be part of the menu for Restaurant Week. Sadly it isn’t. But still, the food was good as usual, and definitely worth the price of S$25++! The food portion was pretty much the same as the S$55++ dinners. It is probably the ‘best deal’ of the week! Hahah!

One on the Bund

Mummy have been complaining that I always dine at nice eating places but never introduce or bring her, so I thought that I should bring daddy and mummy to one of the Chinese restaurants for Restaurant Week as well! I think it is a really cool place and super atas! So atas that mummy and I were a little bit scared to even enter the restaurant at first instance. Haha. But honestly feel that the food does not fit the price. The only thing I liked was the Handmade Shanghai Noodles, and maybe the nice presentation of food. Hahah. I guess we’re really paying for the ambiance more than anything. Well, anyways it was an experience and daddy and mummy had a good time!(:

Super sinful and fattening week! But it was worth every single calorie I had. The fate of foodie I guess!

Now I have no more excuses.

Anyways, back to happy things. I simply love all the good buys today! ❤ Shopping makes me happy! Very happy.(:

We talked about one of those under-the-carpet issue today, and I find it very sad indeed. Feels like everything is just for show to deceive ourselves, and even others. Maybe people just have to take a ‘lil more initiative and don’t worry so much about things not going to work out after. And I guess it takes a bit more effort as well. But I think, there is always this thin line between what you and the other party wants. Oh well.

Sometimes I really think life is a ‘lil too complicated for me.

Site visit to City Square Mall. I like how we actually look like some professional building authorities in the photo. Haha. Not that I aspire to be one in reality. It was really not fun going around trying to identify all the green features. But I think we were quite productive! Hopefully the project goes on fine from here.

Did a bit of shopping with the girls after. The little things that brighten up a tiring day!(:

Gawd. Super fat legs): It is depressing. I have been eating A LOT lately and I guess it doesn’t help at all. Sigh. Next week. I will have no more excuses then.